I know, I know! I’ve been away for a minute, but I’m back and feeling better than ever! And trust me, I’m not just saying that because it sounds good in this post! Truth be told, up until now, 2019 has been a bit of a blur for me!
I haven’t spoken much about it here on the blog, but I lost my grandmother this past December, and my grandfather a few months later in March. For those of you who have experienced a loss, I’m sure you can understand how complicated grief can be. On the one hand, I’ve been so blessed to have them all these years, and for them to have played such a crucial role in making me the person I am today. On the other hand, It’s been rough, knowing that they are no longer with me in the physical realm.
I’ve found that the most random things remind me of them. The smell of coffee in the morning reminds me of my grandfather, preparing dinner at night reminds me of my grandmother. But I’m thankful to have those memories and grateful that lately as I go about my days, there have been more smiles than tears.
I’m also in the middle of wedding planning which while exciting can be stressful. Before Gerard and I started working with a planner, we promised that we wouldn’t go into a ton of debt to make this wedding happen. But weddings are expensive and I, of course, wanted particular things. So, it was either lower your expectations or increase your budget. I’m sure you can guess what road I’ve taken….exactly! I’ve been working 70+ hour weeks at work, to throw extra money into our wedding fund. I’m taking the approach of going hard now so I can rest and relax afterward.
Speaking of my fiancé’, after spending the past 15 years living on my own, and doing things completely my way, I’ve been getting adjusted to sharing my life and space with someone. Again, exciting, but let’s be honest, it’s still a process. Couple all those things with just general adulting and trying to maintain a healthy, balanced, present lifestyle, I found myself overwhelmed and exhausted. I’ve always said when it comes to blogging I’ll never be one of the “fake it until I make it” types. If I’m feeling stressed and burnt out, it’s tough to get my creative juices flowing. It’s also hard to inspire, motivate, and show up for other people when you are feeling like crap. I simply refuse to front for the gram!
After a nasty panic attack and crying spell, I was ready to acknowledge that I needed to make some changes. Then and there I committed to stop feeling like I have to be on it and perfect for every single moment. Accepting that I have to do a better job of prioritizing, sticking to my schedule, and saying no to some things. Also, during a heart to heart with my fiance’, I was reminded that I no longer have to take on so much. One of the perks of getting married is sharing the good, bad, and responsibilities with someone else. Oh, and I’ve also learned that in this crazy world, exercising and regular visits with my therapist are MUSTs!
After practicing what I was preaching to myself for a few weeks, I woke up on April 20, 2019, my 35th birthday, feeling a lot more contentment with where I’m at and where I’m heading. So much so, I couldn’t wait to get back to blogging. As I write this post, I’m 30,000 feet in the air flying to San Antonio to spend the weekend with my Bestie. A short girls weekend discussing wedding details over a glass of wine is just what I’m in the mood for! If you made it this far, thanks for reading! I can’t wait to share more of what I’ve been up to.
Until next time!